Intimate Conversations

      I grew up on a farm with horses, cows, pigs, chickens, lambs, dogs, cat, rabbits, fields with pheasants, quail and grouse. We had several large beehives, orchards of cherries, peaches, apricots, three plums, several apple trees. There were rows of grapes, acres of hay and pasture and large garden areas, both vegetable and flower. If you throw into the mix a family with nine kids, the circle and cycle of life becomes an everyday kind of thing. I remember many dinner conversations about the veterinarian coming to either help an animal get pregnant or deliver, and where the hives would need to be moved to  best suit the fields and trees. Well, having been born with an innate curiosity that was encouraged and honed by my mother's challenge to observe life, more than once with a glove larger than me was I able to feel a calf inside a cow with the help of the vet whom was checking to see if it was coming out breech or not, or witness the beauty of birth in all it varied forms both animal, insect, and plant.

     One of my clearest memories of this is the bee keeper, Ben. With my mother by my side, he had just smoked the main hive in the cherry trees and pulled the center tray where the queen ruled. She was magnificent, but was also surrounded by her minions, thousands of small pouches ready to burst into new honey bees. Ben let me touch them softly so I could feel the vibration of the hive as it hummed. It was slightly sticky when I removed me fingers. He told me that it would be sweet if I wanted to taste it, it was far sweeter than the honey they produced, which to this day I have always thought as curious. Mom also touched the hive and a big smile crossed her face, normally not much of a bug person, but as I said, this was amazing to experience.

    So creation was everywhere in my life I just didn't know what to call it...sex, that what's I learned it was called listening to my brothers and sisters, and their husbands and wives as they would talk with mom and think that I wasn't paying attention, which most of the time they were right. Then came 5th grade and Miss Kartchner, slender, well-built ,long hair, beautiful smile with playful eyes (oh and did I mention she wore blouses that showed cleavage?) Well I was gravely disappointed when I wasn't assigned to her class, how much so I can't even remember my own teacher's name...but this is why. Several of my friends were in Miss K's class so I spent as much time as I could in her class. Then came the secret meeting only for girls..5th grade maturation. That drove me nuts. I didn't know what it was and I wasn't invited, that was not acceptable on any account. So I figured it out. I knew there was a break when school let out and the meeting started and that after the meeting they would go to the lunch room for cookies and punch...again very unfair, so I simply slid into the class under Miss K's desk, pulled the chair tight, I knew she seldom sat at her desk and waited.

     Everyone filed in. 45-mins. later, after really learning nothing much new (except how long I could endure the pain of being cramped in one position for that long.) and wishing there was a hole in the front of the desk so I could see the slides, they left for their treats. I waited a while longer and left the class, got my bag and started to leave the school. Just about at the end of the hallway, 10 or so feet from the exit, was Miss K. She stopped me and asked why I was here so late. Of course I lied about forgetting something and with a very large smile on her face she said, "Well I hope it was worth missing your bus for, can you get home okay? "  I gulped and said I could, that I was headed to a friends and that I would see her tomorrow...she again stopped me and said, "No you won't." I thought, "Oh no, I'm caught"...but again with that disarming smile she said, "It's Friday. See you Monday," and off she went.

      Of course when I walked in the door an hour and a half late (lucky for me Rulon Ford had seen me walking and given me a ride part way) mom asked where I had been...now this was not unusual for me to wander in late, I could very often get lost in an adventure or simply stop by a great spot to tell myself a story...and normally I would just tell her that because she always knew. I learned that very young, mom always knew, sometimes she would call you on your lie, other times she wouldn't but she always knew. So out with the story of how I hid to hear about women starting their cycle for the first time. My mother explained that most girls and even some women would be uncomfortable speaking of such a thing around men and that it was wrong of me to assume I had a right to know. She started right then and there to teach me that a woman's body was hers and hers alone to give, that the gift shared in human sexuality is beautiful, healing and natural. She asked if I had any other questions about what I had heard when I told her I had been reading the inserts in my sisters' tampax boxes she laughed and hugged me and told me that we would probably be having many more conversation about human sexuality.

     Sure enough over the years, mom and I had many intimate conversations about sex. The strongest advice came shortly after Shauna and I were married. Mom and I were china painting. Mom was discussing someone we knew so she put her brush down. "Eric," she said, "I have come to realize that sex in a relationship is one of the strongest motivators in determining the satisfaction, happiness and health of any relationship. Faith, children and society might keep you married, but sex will keep you in love. That is, sex given; never bound by guilt or duty or payment just given freely to each other. It soothes, heals, encourages, buoys up and strengthens." I was a newlywed, so of course I couldn't have agreed more and still do....

This Gertrudism was one of two pieces of advice my mom gave me when I married Shauna, she didn't use it as often as the others.

Gertrudism #8 "Never use sex as a bargaining tool"     

Seven of the nine of us in the mid seventies in the Rock House in Centerville Utah. Yes that is me in the back next to Lynne with hair, proof positive it did exist