The Journey End?

I have been thinking a lot about some of the paths my life has traveled, with recent events my mind is reminded of time when I felt a major decision was life or death in the making. I had received my mission call to serve in Osaka, Japan for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and on the same day received a letter from The headquarters of the Kanas City Royal Baseball Team asking me to report to spring training in Florida. As I spoke with my mother concerning the choice I faced, she at once told me to do what would make me happy, but then she told me what would become a Gertrudism of personal value to me, "Sometimes the journey is more important than the journey's end." Well, as an 18-year old boy, I could neither understand the depth or berth of experience that my mother must have been speaking from.

I had asked my mother about my Grandfather Jencks. She told me of several things which I remember. Again, because of some new perspective in my life, some of my Grandfather's choices have new meaning, as do the way my mother dealt with him until the day he died. I don't know how well I would have received a man whom abandoned me and my sister after my mother had died, yet mother welcomed Grandfather to her home, and cared for and loved him in his greatest hour of need. In fact, I never heard mother speak evil or harshly about him. I was told he had a quick sense of humor and easy smile, he was intensely loyal, which doesn't seem to match his actions or was the choice to leave the only one that kept him in this world for awhile longer? I know that Eaton Jencks had a journey that was his own and in the end had family whom loved and still think of him. I currently am the only brother that has his haircut, my younger brother is getting there but I've had it since I was 21. I also have a strong affinity to cigar smoke, that somehow reminds me of a man I have no memories of. I would dare not assume to guess what my grandfather might have been going through after the woman he loved died, yet the path he chose changed my mother's life forever.  I know now somewhat of the meaning of the Gertrudism, for my journey is far from over yet, just in the past several months I have learned a great deal about my own personal limits, stress and self confidence.  As I have struggled mightily with feelings of worth and questioned the reasons why certain things have happened at this time in my life, I have realized that this is a universal occurrence in everyone's sojourn while here on earth. No one escapes the questions of: Why we are here on earth? Why do things happen to us in a certain way? Is it my fault? Is it chance? Is it God's plan? Is there even a God?  What they place on our head stone or how we are remembered at the end of our life is not what's important, nor is it the goal. I know that we believe that we will be together again, but for now we have this life and this time to influence, mark, and travel our path.  I love my mother and will honor her memory until my last breath, leave my mouth yet the time, love and lessons she taught along the journey's path are all that matter...they are what I rely on now as mile markers in my own journey with those I love and care for. The question is: Are those that accompany me on this journey enjoying their time or regretting a path that placed them along side me at this time? This is a sobering question to ask and answer truthfully, yet if we simply applied this as "the golden rule" how clear will be our motives be and pure the love we offer? My mother's love was offered to all travelers whom came in contact with her, it was how she remained happy and grateful all her days.

Mom knew that each of her children would have their own journeys to travel. Each would choose paths of their own. My early choice to serve a mission was a path I chose out of loyalty to my mother and a desire to serve as my brothers and sister had before. Looking back, if I had taken my mother's advice and made my decision simply on what made me happy, spring would have found me in Florida. How grateful I am that Grandpa Jencks must have passed on some of that loyalty, for without it my journey's path would have been considerably different. Mom's extraordinary understanding of the fact the each of us will be judged righteously and in the end find a place where we will be happy, enabled her to teach us that the real lessons were to be learned as we traveled, and not at journey's end. That we could and should find joy along the way and in the many different adventures life puts in our paths. As I have mentioned many times, mom found joy in many things and many choices in her life. As I have personally struggled with feelings of despair lately, I have tried to remember my mother depressed or discouraged and the only time this comes to mind is late in her life as her health declined and she was unable to do some of the things she enjoyed doing. However, even that was short lived as she simply and courageously chose to be happy. Oh how I wished she were here to help me understand this process now and oh how I miss her! I would not presume to say that there are not medical or mental issues that cause great despair and depression. I know many people whom suffer greatly with all manner of challenges, and many who have every right to say" life is not fair" or "Why me, God?" who choose each day, though what must be difficult and hard, to find joy in the small thing in life. They put on a smile  and one foot in front of the other, and somehow and somewhere, they find hope that tomorrow will be better. How amazing they are. We cannot often change our lot in life, but we can always change the attitude with which we live it. I have always loved this quote, I just wished I could live it better.

The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination. ~Marian Zimmer Bradley

So with the new paths that I must now travel, I am committed to choose hope and happiness as my companion. I will not inflect the torment of the ungrateful, selfish and brooding man on those I love as I remember more clearly and more often how much I am loved and how greatly I have been blessed by those who have chosen to walk along my path for a season.

Gertrudism #15   " Sometimes the journey is more important than the journey's end. "